Casualty of Meditation - Seizures and insomnia

Strike one:  Intensive meditation started my bout with insomnia back in 2003.  I’ve posted about that before, but its worth mentioning again, because just about anyone reading this (save those very few who know what kind of strange side effects meditation practice can have) will find it hard to believe.   The palpable somatic energetic sense that suppressed my ability to sleep arose directly out of meditation practice – it was (and is) an energetic sensation that I’m readily able to perceive.

Strike two:  After 15 years, meditation now appears to be producing epilepsy-like symptoms – minor simple partial seizures, and what are probably gelastic seizures (which are far more common).  They are most intense during meditation, but they now  can appear when I do yoga (especially the gelastic seizures) and even tai chi.  I’m not sure whether long-term Zoloft use has primed my nervous system for the development of these symptoms – they are exacerbated by Zoloft use.   I first started noticing them 4 years ago.  I saw a neurologist, got an MRI, had EEG’s done – all tests registered normal.  But the seizures continued (simple partials – at worst, I would fall down, unable to control at all the right side of my body, by body consumed by jerky movements, but able to control my left side a bit).  They disappeared when I stopped taking Zoloft.  But now they have re-developed despite the fact that I’ve been off of Zoloft for 9 months now.

The paradox is that I can’t put meditation aside.   Especially without the drugs, it was the one practice that worked for me.  I can’t stop – I tried for 7 days last month, and it was clear that I would not be able to continue abstaining from it.

I’ve worked with some of the most experienced zen teachers on the east coast – they had no helpful suggestions for these issues, which is one of the primary reasons why I no longer practice zen in a formal setting.  I’m between a rock and a hard place, trying to keep my life from becoming a complete wreckage from these problems that to a large degree were induced by intensive meditation practice.