My fracture-healed body is the foil to my sense of well being. Now that I'm back on my feet, the the greater trochanter fracture 95% healed, I've uniquivocally slipped back into the hell of chronic insomia, with the renewed sense that I no longer have the resiliency needed to navigate life (work, socialize, etc). This is underscored over the past 2 week by my repeated plunges into 2 -3 day successive "rips" where I sleep between 0-3 hrs per night, then crash the next day or two. The last 10 years of my life have been absorbed by this black hole, and I've had a remarkable 11 week reprieve. But now, desperate, unprecedented actions are going to be undertaken in the next year to remedy the situation. All options are on the table now, because living the rest of my life alone in an insomnia mediated semi-stupor is not an option.
Currently thinking of doing another sleep lab study, perhaps with more of a medical trail, I can investigate whether I can go on disability, maybe getting some stronger sleep med drugs, taking a three week vacation to the amazon to drink ayahuasca - probably all will happen within the coming months. Of other more sundry options on the radar screen I will not speak. One step at a time, all hope is not yet lost.
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