"Terrible Process" Indeed

After 15 years of engaging in spiritual practices, after having a number of them apparently “backfire” via life-altering unanticipated consequences (insomnia, seizures), the cynic in me in now in unassailable ascent in terms of many aspects of my life outlook and attitude.  I  remember back to the elation I felt when I started zen practice, the sure footed intuition that kept me rooted in the path for years.  At the start of my practice, I was alienated, isolated, and depressed.  Now 15 years later I am..... well....... mired in a very different brand of alienation and isolation, and during sleep deprived times, depression. 

I remember reading this quote for Trungpa Rimpoche years ago.  Now I feel like I fully know its truth:

"How many of you are just beginning a spiritual practice?" A number of people raised their hands in response. He then said: "Fine. My suggestion is that you go home. At the back door they will give you your money back and you can go home now and not get started on this very difficult and terrible process. It is a lot more difficult than you know when you begin. Once you start it is very difficult to stop. So my suggestion to you is not to begin. Best not to start at all. But if you do, then it is best to finish."

To be sure, I'm psychically in a much better place than when I started my zen practice so long ago.  But I wonder whether that is just the effects of practice, or just age.  If I could turn back the clock, knowing what I know now, I just might have heeded the advice in this quote.